Why you sometimes experience an empty feeling after a quick sex date

May 29 / René Luisman
Online dating apps are an easy way to meet other men and arrange a sex date. But when the sex is over, sometimes an empty and unsatisfied feeling is left behind.

It's Sunday afternoon when Mark scrolls through Grindr for the umpteenth time. Again and again he opens profiles of men who appeal to him, waiting for someone to approach him. His date last night was okay, but the turmoil remains. Mark must and will score someone again today.

Since the 1990s, gay men have used the Internet to find sex partners. Online dating apps are an easy way to meet other men and set up a sex date. Appearance often plays an important role and is usually the main reason to start a conversation with someone. The conversation then proceeds directly and functionally to quickly assess whether there is a match.
'I chat with several men at once. At work, when I'm with friends and when I'm in the gym. It's the first and last thing I check in a day. The attention is just fun and addictive.’ - Andre

What makes online dating so attractive
One of the advantages of these dating apps is the anonymity. This allows you to explore your sexual wishes and boundaries in an accessible way. And satisfy your sexual appetites. When you get attention from other users, it may also boost your self-confidence. And if you are rejected, there will still be enough men left.

Many men use online apps to get attention and social validation. They are looking for sexual satisfaction, friendship, or hope to find a steady partner in this way. There is also a group of men who use the apps as a distraction. For example, because they feel lonely, sad, anxious or bored.

By fleeing into short, sexual encounters, you don't have to feel what's really there. You are emotionally distracted and thus avoid the discomfort and pain you may experience if you allow your fear or sadness. When the sex is over, sometimes an empty and unsatisfied feeling is left behind. This is because the underlying need is not met, so that the lack or desire persists. A lack or longing for something you may have missed in the past, for example in your childhood or previous relationships.
Question yourself; are you looking for lust or more?
Are you looking for a quick, fleeting encounter where sex is central? Then there is a good chance that you will find this in an online dating app. But what if the underlying need goes deeper and you crave attention, recognition or even security? Then the question is whether you will find this in an online dating app.

At such a moment it is more effective to investigate what your real need is. What do you long for? Do you need a listening ear, a firm hug or someone who is there for you?

Only when you know what your real need is can you determine who and what is needed to satisfy this need. And chances are you're not going to find what you really crave in an online app. To find that you'll probably have to reach out. For example, by asking a friend or family member for what you need.

This is often very exciting because we don't want to be a burden to others and the fear of rejection is lurking. When we make ourselves vulnerable, a possible rejection hits much harder than a rejection in an anonymous chat. But if you dare to take this risk and know how to fulfill your real need, the chance of satisfaction is many times greater.

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