These 5 languages made me look differently at my relationship

Sep 10 / Rene Luisman
When I first heard about the five love languages, I was close to a relationship crisis. No matter what I tried, it seemed like my partner and I didn't understand each other.

Despite I know a lot about how people communicate, the communication between my friend and me was sometimes anything but effective. Because if there is one subject in which communication is essential, it is in love. And at the same time so complex.

For example, do you know what your own love language is? And your partner's? Find out which five languages there are.
What do you need to bloom?
To love something is a term we use for anything we value. Whether it's good food, sports, shopping, the weather or someone dear to us. Loving is a concept that is so self-evident, but also has a layering that sometimes makes us feel so misunderstood.

Because where one needs to hear regularly that someone loves him or her, for another this is something that does not need to be spoken.

Gary Chapman, an American writer and couples therapist, describes that there are five languages in which people communicate with each other. Just like with your mother tongue, there are one or two languages that you master better. You cannot simply rely on your native language being sufficient. If your partner doesn't understand your language, you can try the best you can, but your love won't arrive.

For one, a touch or a compliment is important. A form of acknowledgment that shows that you care about the other person. While the other may not need this and would rather go out for dinner together. And before you know it you end up in a conflict that leaves you both with a hangover.

When you know which love language someone speaks, you learn to communicate on a deeper level than just words.

The five languages that Gary distinguishes are:

 Speaking positive words
How do you value someone in the things you say? A compliment, an encouragement, expressing your confidence in the other. And of course, the tone in which you say something is also important.
 Making time for each other 
Give the other person your full attention and time. Go to the movies together, play a game or talk together. Not focused on what you want to say yourself, but on what you hear from the other person. This is positive listening, taking the time to understand the other person's feelings, thoughts, and desires, and to share your own. It helps when you are aware of your emotions, so that you can expose yourself to the other person.
 Giving gifts
Love is about giving. And while all five languages are a form of giving, this is the most concrete form of it. It is not about the value of the gift, but about the intention and the fact that you are thinking of the other person.
 Helping the other person
This language means that you express your love for your partner by doing things. People with this love language are helpful, easily roll up their sleeves and are ready for the other. People who 'speak' this language help out of a positive attitude and not out of duty.
  Physical contact
How do you touch each other? This love language is not just about sex. It's also about a hug, a loving hand on the shoulder, sitting against each other while watching Netflix or walking down the street hand in hand. When someone physically distances themselves, it can feel like a rejection. Physical contact and accessibility are very important when you express your love in a physical way.

Which love language is your favorite?
For me, positive words and physical contact are indispensable in a relationship. As soon as I miss either of them, I'm going to do my very best to get credit. That costs me a lot of energy and often comes across as overwhelming to the other person.

Knowing my preferred languages gives me peace of mind. Now I can also indicate better what I need. My partner and I both speak a different language. And we are both willing to learn each other's language.
When two people bond with each other, good communication is the most important thing there is. And communicating is a lot easier if you know which language the other person speaks.

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