In every relationship there are times when there is a hassle. Whether it is a friendly, professional or romantic relationship. Relationships come with annoyances. What you initially appreciate in someone can suddenly turn into frustration. And the longer you wait to express your emotions, the more it can damage the relationship.
Think of a colleague who does not take responsibility, so that you have to fix her work. A friend who cancels for the umpteenth time, so that you doubt what the friendship means to him. Or your partner who always seems to know better, which makes you keep your mouth shut from now on.
Common situations that can evoke feelings of disappointment, frustration or even anger.
What is your strategy: ignore or speak up?
The first time you get annoyed by the other person's behavior, the impact is usually not that big. But every time it happens again, the frustration increases.
At such a moment you have two options:
1. You express your feelings in that moment; or
2. You don’t speak up and store these feelings.
Reasons not to speak up
Whether or not you express your feelings depends on the situation and what interests are involved. What is being touched in you and is this worth possibly entering into a conflict. Because that's what we unconsciously often fear. That if you speak up, there will be disagreement right away.
Your choice is also influenced by how you learned this in your family of origin. From an early age you learn which emotions are and which are not allowed. What emotions were shown and encouraged? And what emotions were judged or criticized?
For example, many boys grow up with the message that crying or showing your vulnerability is a sign of weakness. As a result, you put your true feelings aside and show different behavior. You might get angry, make a sarcastic remark, laugh it off, or get very rational. But the real feeling is suppressed at that moment.
The effect of suppressing your feelings
If you avoid a conflict with the other person, sooner or later an inner conflict will arise. By denying and suppressing your feelings and emotions, you store them in your body. Compare it with a savings card. For example, someone can save 'anger stamps' instead of expressing their anger. Or every time you feel unheard, you store this experience internally and become a little more indifferent. Apparently your opinion doesn't matter.
